Flynn Riding Horses

I have a bone to pick with society. We all know those tests where they're all like, 'Make sure you use a number 2 pencil!' and we're all like 'Okay! We'll do that! Number 2 pencil it is!' But we don't really check our pencils because if they're orange or yellow we know that they're probably number 2 pencils. I mean, how many of us have actually seen a number one or a number two and a half or a number three pencil? It's kind of ridiculous. Except that apparently someone decided it's not, and they made a number three pencil, and somehow put it in my laptop case, and I took an entire bio test (FORTY FIVE STUPID QUESTIONS) with A NUMBER THREE PENCIL! HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN? I had to re-bubble in the WHOLE STUPID THING!

See, this was supposed to be a picture of a number 3 pencil with the caption like 'WHY DO THEY EVEN MAKE THESE' but I COULDN'T EVEN FIND A PICTURE OF A NUMBER 3 PENCIL ON GOOGLE! THAT IS HOW RIDICULOUS THIS IS! (Image Courtesy of Forbes)

Anyway, I digress. I think that's such a funny word. Digress. It's like, no one has any idea what the heck it means but everyone kinda knows what it means, you know? I digress (hehehe).

Guess what I've got in store for you today? Seeing as WE NEED SPRING BREAK NOW! And seeing as I'm the kind, generous person that I am, I decided to make you a packing list, for any time in the future when you may be going on vacation and have no idea what to bring.

THE MOST EPICEST PACKING LIST THERE EVER DID WAS

1) Ritz crackers, in case you get food poisoning and throw up six times and stay in the hotel all day the next day while your family leaves but they didn't leave you any money and you have no food--except the Ritz crackers I reminded you to bring. (You're welcome)

2) Some small, hand-held electronic device (or an iPad or DVD player or something) with like Netflix or something in case your hotel happens to be in a Spanish-speaking country and all the TV shows are in Spanish and you don't want to have to work hard to watch TV.

3) A shirt. Is this self-explanatory, I hope?

4) A kazoo, so when locals are being mean and annoying ("Where's the mountain trail?" "The mountain is that big hill thing right in front of you!") you can drown them out with your beautiful sense of tone and kindergarten skills.

5) A map, so you don't accidentally get lost. "Um, dad, I think that was the turn back there." "No, it's this road." "Dad." "What?" "DAD!" "WHAT?" "THE ROAD'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MADE OF A RIVER!" Not that my dad's ever driven us into a river, but as they say, nothing's impossible.

6) A tissue box, in case you, a), get a cold, b), get roped into seeing a sappy romantic tragedy or c), accidentally get hit in the face with a basketball, a beach chair, or anything that's available where you're going and your nose starts to heroically spurt blood.

7) Your toothbrush, to get the grime off of your shoes and to pretend like you actually care about your teeth when you're on vacation. Unless that's just me who sometimes 'forgets' on vacation...in which case this just got awkward and you now think I'm gross...(you should see my fingernails)...

"Yeah mom, I packed my toothbrush." *under your breath* "Because I'm soo gonna use it..." *mom* "What was that honey?" *you* "Oh nothing! Just so excited to brush my teeth! I'm even bringing my special mint toothpaste!" (But seriously, is there any toothpast other than mint? You let me know when you find bubble gum toothpaste)

8) Goggles. Because WHENEVER there's a swimming pool you ALWAYS forget goggles and you can go swimming but it's no fun cause you can't go underwater and play mermaid games and you just have to walk around in the pool and you're like.....

9) A camera. ALWAYS FORGOTTEN. Plus, you need a camera, to capture all of the embarrassing stupid things you do, getting stuck on boats, or  (don't even deny it).

So, yeah. Come spring break, you're all set!

That was kinda short, huh? Or not. Idk. Short for one of my posts, I guess. Oh well. You'll be able to fit everything in a carry-on! #NOEXTRACHARGE! Unless you're flying Southwest (which is probably the best airline ever because they used to do awesome stuff during flights like roll toilet paper all the way down the aisle and then flush the toilet and send the paper flying back between the seats at like fifty miles an hour).

Happy....Travelling? No, I got it, trails!

HAPPY TRAILS TO YOUUUU

UNTILLL WE MEEEET AGAAIINNN

HAPPY TRAILS TO YOUUU

....KEEP....smilin'...until....then

*pretend that just faded out*